As of yesterday, Olivia is now 18 months old. There are so many things I remember as clear as day, like how during my pregnancy I was constantly convinced that something was wrong. I often obsessed over my little growing baby and my poor doctor would simply tell me to relax. I remember having contractions and not feeling great, but figured these were not real ones and so I got my toes done. I was wrong. It was the real deal, and I stayed up all night timing my contractions, waiting to hit that five minute mark. Meanwhile, Mike slept because "someone needs to get sleep for the baby". Around 7:30 in the morning I told Mike we were going to the hospital and we were not taking NO for an answer if the hospital didn't like that my contractions were NOT 5 minutes apart. I was a week late so I doubt they would have turned me away regardless. After a quick but seemingly long shower, we slowly made our way out the door and headed to the hospital. Right then and there Olivia decided it was go time, and my contractions began to take on much faster pace. As we entered the hospital at 8:30, I was struggling to stand up right. Then finally we made our way to "our suite".
From this point on everything seemed to move incredibly fast. I know many people will tell you that it takes forever to deliver a baby, that labor lasts a lifetime, but not with our Livi. The nurse checked my vitals, did her routine questions and then told me my doctor would be in soon. But before we knew it, Livi's heart rate dropped below normal. Alarms began to sound. People were running in and out of room. We hadn't even had a chance to bring in our suitcase or even our camera when suddenly my doctor was yelling code blue. WHAT THE WHAT, code blue?!? Mike was told to put on scrubs and they told me they were going to need the baby out in three minutes. All I remember thinking as I took deep breaths into my oxygen mask is that I didn't even think they were going to let us in and we are about to have our baby any minute!
Thankfully, out of nowhere Olivia's heart rate returned to a reasonable rate, but the doctor still wanted her out rather quickly. The change in heart rate meant that we would do a normal c-section rather than an emergency c-section (where they knock you out completely). I remember sitting on the table and getting the epidural. I remember laying down and Mike right next to my head. I remember telling the doctor jokes. I remember when she started to open me up. But most importantly, I remember hearing my sweet girl for the first time and saying "is that our baby crying?" It was so quick, I couldn't believe she was here. At 11:04 AM on August 18, 2012, Olivia arrived after we had only been at the hospital for 2 and a half hours. She was beautiful, truly doll-like. It is a day I will never forget and I cannot believe that day is now a full year and a half behind us.
There are a lot of things I remember, but one thing that I cannot remember is when my husband and I decided we were ready to have a baby, that we wanted to venture down the path of parenthood. When did that happen? Because it seems to me it was only yesterday that I was enjoying the life of a D.I.N.K (Dual Income No Kids). You know, relaxing on Friday and Saturday nights, staying up as late as you wanted, knowing that you can sleep in as long as you want the next day. I don't remember when we made that decision, and I don't remember how it was determined, what I remember is that we booked a cruise as our last "vacation".
I wonder how people that choose not to have children are certain that it is their journey to follow and I wonder how those with more than one child know that having multiple children is the right path. Is there a right path? How do you know? How do you know if it is a good idea to have one child, yet alone two or more or none?
Recently, I saw this story on NBC during the Olympics about this Canadian skier, Alex Bilodeau, who has an older brother, Frederic, with cerebral palsy. In the short piece on the duo, Alex discussed how on days he doesn't feel like practicing or he is feeling lazy, he thinks of his brother and how his brother doesn't have an option, and if given the chance he would ski every single day. Alex talks about how close they are and how he skies in honor of his brother. Later, after winning a gold medal, Alex ran directly over to his brother to celebrate together, as a team, as a pair, as brothers. Frederick has a much more severe diagnosis of CP than Olivia, but I guess regardless of the diagnosis, the question remains...does everyone need a sibling? Someone to be there through the good and the bad?
In the movie "It's a Wonderful Life", the main character, George Bailey, discovers what life would be like if he wasn't there for certain moments in time. Like the time his brother fell into the icy lake, in a world where George does not exist means that he was not there to save his brother. I am not certain that having or not having a child will result in that kind of a dramatic or devastating outcome. But I do know that having the decision to have or not have a child is one that each family must make on their own.
I don't know how we will determine our next steps as a family, but what I do know is that deciding to have our first child was the greatest decision we have ever made together, even if I cannot remember how we decided to take that step. Unfortunately, there isn't a crystal ball so that we can know how life turns out for each of us and there isn't an angel that shows us what happens when a different decision is made then the original. The future is a gamble, and Olivia is a risk I would take over and over again. Maybe one day our family dynamic will change, but for now, I am going to sit back and thank my lucky stars for my beautiful family of three.
From this point on everything seemed to move incredibly fast. I know many people will tell you that it takes forever to deliver a baby, that labor lasts a lifetime, but not with our Livi. The nurse checked my vitals, did her routine questions and then told me my doctor would be in soon. But before we knew it, Livi's heart rate dropped below normal. Alarms began to sound. People were running in and out of room. We hadn't even had a chance to bring in our suitcase or even our camera when suddenly my doctor was yelling code blue. WHAT THE WHAT, code blue?!? Mike was told to put on scrubs and they told me they were going to need the baby out in three minutes. All I remember thinking as I took deep breaths into my oxygen mask is that I didn't even think they were going to let us in and we are about to have our baby any minute!
There are a lot of things I remember, but one thing that I cannot remember is when my husband and I decided we were ready to have a baby, that we wanted to venture down the path of parenthood. When did that happen? Because it seems to me it was only yesterday that I was enjoying the life of a D.I.N.K (Dual Income No Kids). You know, relaxing on Friday and Saturday nights, staying up as late as you wanted, knowing that you can sleep in as long as you want the next day. I don't remember when we made that decision, and I don't remember how it was determined, what I remember is that we booked a cruise as our last "vacation".
I wonder how people that choose not to have children are certain that it is their journey to follow and I wonder how those with more than one child know that having multiple children is the right path. Is there a right path? How do you know? How do you know if it is a good idea to have one child, yet alone two or more or none?
Recently, I saw this story on NBC during the Olympics about this Canadian skier, Alex Bilodeau, who has an older brother, Frederic, with cerebral palsy. In the short piece on the duo, Alex discussed how on days he doesn't feel like practicing or he is feeling lazy, he thinks of his brother and how his brother doesn't have an option, and if given the chance he would ski every single day. Alex talks about how close they are and how he skies in honor of his brother. Later, after winning a gold medal, Alex ran directly over to his brother to celebrate together, as a team, as a pair, as brothers. Frederick has a much more severe diagnosis of CP than Olivia, but I guess regardless of the diagnosis, the question remains...does everyone need a sibling? Someone to be there through the good and the bad?
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| Siddy said he would be Olivia's brother |
I don't know how we will determine our next steps as a family, but what I do know is that deciding to have our first child was the greatest decision we have ever made together, even if I cannot remember how we decided to take that step. Unfortunately, there isn't a crystal ball so that we can know how life turns out for each of us and there isn't an angel that shows us what happens when a different decision is made then the original. The future is a gamble, and Olivia is a risk I would take over and over again. Maybe one day our family dynamic will change, but for now, I am going to sit back and thank my lucky stars for my beautiful family of three.
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