These days it seems Olivia has a doctor appointment every week for one thing or another. Recently I had written a blog about Olivia's one year check-up and how well it went. I walked away from that appointment feeling like I was on top of the world! I felt as though I was doing a great job as a Mom and Olivia was truly making some remarkable progress. The pediatrician knew all the right things to say and the perfect way to say it. She always discusses the positives first, than suggests some things to work on with Olivia and sums it up with an overall positive comment about her progress and our progress as parents with her.
(This happy-go-lucky attitude is how I felt after her one year check-up!)
However, it never fails that when I feel as though things are starting to come together my bubble is always quickly burst by the next doctor appointment. Last week we went to Kluge to see if Olivia qualified for a special study. The study does not start until the age of 2, so we really already knew she wouldn't qualify, but the physical therapist mentioned that they would evaluate Olivia and see if she would qualify for their 4 week program that is completed through insurance, and is not research/study related. I had walked into this appointment without much thought as I just assumed they would play with Olivia and see where she was developmentally and than call it a day. Sadly, I was very wrong, and very ill-prepared for what I was about to hear.
So while we played with Olivia during the "evaluation", I had to sit through a conversation with the physical therapist about all the things Olivia is NOT doing. Everything that came out of her mouth was so matter of fact, like I should already know that she needs to work on these things and it should be obvious. It was a wonder the therapist did not pass out from lack of oxygen from the amount of effort she was putting into telling me what Olivia needed to work on. Some of the things she mentioned:
Olivia is not feeding herself food
Olivia is not holding her own bottle or sippy cup
Olivia is not eating a variety of food
Olivia is not using her right hand (seriously? Like we don't know that one?!)
More importantly, she didn't mention one single positive that Olivia was currently doing.
The list this lady rattled off seemed so overwhelming, and she followed it up with a request for me to fill out a sensory survey. She gave no other explanation, just here take this survey. I filled in the survey with what I thought Olivia was or was not doing and didn't really fill in any comments as I felt the questions were self explanatory. I handed her the survey and she said, "you don't have any comments about your daughter?" Obviously I did not have any comments, as I did not write any. All I wanted was to get out of there as fast as possible. I felt as though my entire world had crumbled down around me and my former self evaluation of Olivia's progress had been completely shattered. We had worked so hard to get her to this point and all I kept hearing was that it wasn't enough, that she needed more. When the session was over I grabbed my things, my husband, and my sweet Olivia and ran out of there like I had been caught stealing. I walked so quickly I was certain my shoes had left burnt rubber marks down the hospital hallway.
After a long conversation with my Mom, my sister and my friends, I realized that while I didn't approve of the method of delivery this therapist decided to use to relay the information about Olivia (callous, lacking empathy or a heart or a soul!), it was correct information none the less. What the therapist did not realize was that while Olivia is the patient, we are the parents and we worry about her day in and day out. Parents also need to be reassured that we are doing a good job. That our effort on our daughter's behalf has paid off in at least some small way. (Hopefully a large noticeable way)
As parents, we agonize over every little thing she does or doesn't do and what that means for her and her future. Don't all parents? After a lot of thought about that AWFUL appointment, I came to the realization that Olivia will always have new milestones that she will need to achieve and work through, as she will continue to develop more and more each day. I realized that it is not just Olivia that has new challenges each day, but all children. Once a new milestone is met, it is logical that another milestone take its place. And then this is what I pictured during this realization:
I have told you this entire saga of personal defeat to bring you to the ever important conclusion of the story. The point of the story is that Olivia is amazing and she has proved it to us this week in particular. On Monday she started to do a lot more moving than usual during her occupational therapy session (weekly at home session, and yes, with a different therapist!). During her session we worked very hard to take her out of her comfort zone (sounds awful, right? It is). She was really working to roll over to her non-dominant side and we were all very impressed. Magically, the milestones kept coming. So here, for your viewing pleasure, are all the milestones Olivia captured THIS week alone (Mon, Tue and Wed). GO OLIVIA!
Olivia log rolls (currently how she gets from point A to B, instead of crawling)
Olivia drinks from her sippy cup. She just started doing this one day!
Olivia feeds herself food. Again, she just started doing it randomly one day!
We have had one heck of a week so far, and it is only Wednesday. Olivia has tried 2 new foods, and even fed herself some of those items. Not to mention that at day care on Tuesday, she decided to snatch the food from her neighbor and feed herself their food. She is also using her sippy cup on her own and she is really getting the hang of the "log roll" as we call it. We are so proud of all of her accomplishments! (Take that Kluge therapist!)
I think the moral of this story is that just because your child is not doing something right now, doesn't mean you should have a major melt down, and burn rubber through a hospital wing. Instead, maybe just take a deep breath and think about all the wonderful things your child is currently doing. Every single child is different and will do things at their own pace. So for now, I am going to spend my time helping my daughter get better at her current achievements and milestones. My hope is that with our help (and sometimes without our help), she will continue to add more and more to the "can do" column in her development journey. And as for the things she can't do right at this moment, I will leave all that worrying for the therapist at Kluge.
So while we played with Olivia during the "evaluation", I had to sit through a conversation with the physical therapist about all the things Olivia is NOT doing. Everything that came out of her mouth was so matter of fact, like I should already know that she needs to work on these things and it should be obvious. It was a wonder the therapist did not pass out from lack of oxygen from the amount of effort she was putting into telling me what Olivia needed to work on. Some of the things she mentioned:
Olivia is not feeding herself food
Olivia is not holding her own bottle or sippy cup
Olivia is not eating a variety of food
Olivia is not using her right hand (seriously? Like we don't know that one?!)
More importantly, she didn't mention one single positive that Olivia was currently doing.
The list this lady rattled off seemed so overwhelming, and she followed it up with a request for me to fill out a sensory survey. She gave no other explanation, just here take this survey. I filled in the survey with what I thought Olivia was or was not doing and didn't really fill in any comments as I felt the questions were self explanatory. I handed her the survey and she said, "you don't have any comments about your daughter?" Obviously I did not have any comments, as I did not write any. All I wanted was to get out of there as fast as possible. I felt as though my entire world had crumbled down around me and my former self evaluation of Olivia's progress had been completely shattered. We had worked so hard to get her to this point and all I kept hearing was that it wasn't enough, that she needed more. When the session was over I grabbed my things, my husband, and my sweet Olivia and ran out of there like I had been caught stealing. I walked so quickly I was certain my shoes had left burnt rubber marks down the hospital hallway.
After a long conversation with my Mom, my sister and my friends, I realized that while I didn't approve of the method of delivery this therapist decided to use to relay the information about Olivia (callous, lacking empathy or a heart or a soul!), it was correct information none the less. What the therapist did not realize was that while Olivia is the patient, we are the parents and we worry about her day in and day out. Parents also need to be reassured that we are doing a good job. That our effort on our daughter's behalf has paid off in at least some small way. (Hopefully a large noticeable way)
As parents, we agonize over every little thing she does or doesn't do and what that means for her and her future. Don't all parents? After a lot of thought about that AWFUL appointment, I came to the realization that Olivia will always have new milestones that she will need to achieve and work through, as she will continue to develop more and more each day. I realized that it is not just Olivia that has new challenges each day, but all children. Once a new milestone is met, it is logical that another milestone take its place. And then this is what I pictured during this realization:
Olivia log rolls (currently how she gets from point A to B, instead of crawling)
Olivia drinks from her sippy cup. She just started doing this one day!
Olivia feeds herself food. Again, she just started doing it randomly one day!
We have had one heck of a week so far, and it is only Wednesday. Olivia has tried 2 new foods, and even fed herself some of those items. Not to mention that at day care on Tuesday, she decided to snatch the food from her neighbor and feed herself their food. She is also using her sippy cup on her own and she is really getting the hang of the "log roll" as we call it. We are so proud of all of her accomplishments! (Take that Kluge therapist!)
I think the moral of this story is that just because your child is not doing something right now, doesn't mean you should have a major melt down, and burn rubber through a hospital wing. Instead, maybe just take a deep breath and think about all the wonderful things your child is currently doing. Every single child is different and will do things at their own pace. So for now, I am going to spend my time helping my daughter get better at her current achievements and milestones. My hope is that with our help (and sometimes without our help), she will continue to add more and more to the "can do" column in her development journey. And as for the things she can't do right at this moment, I will leave all that worrying for the therapist at Kluge.
New food: SHREDDED CHEESE! Mmmmm!
Wow that's incredible Erin! Go Olivia GO!!!
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