Before I even knew I was pregnant, I had taken on new emotions that seemed to turn me into a raging lunatic while operating a motor vehicle. Prior to being pregnant it was a rare day that I could be rattled to tears, in public or otherwise. However, once I was pregnant, I found myself crying ALL.THE.TIME. In particular, I seemed to cry while traveling the 26 miles to and from work each day.
Sometimes it was due to the idiot slow drivers that ride down the mountain going less than 65 miles per hour in the left lane. The rage inside me would quickly turn to moisture that would flow endlessly down my face. However, despite this dramatic pet peeve of poor drivers, more often I found that simply listening to the radio sent me into tears on a daily basis. I am not talking a few tears either. I'm talking ugly crying, but at the same time I would try to maintain my make-up, but inevitably mascara always made its way down my face. I was a pregnant crier and music was a my drug of choice.
Music has always held a special place in my heart. I think the realization of the importance of music really became clear to me in 9th grade. I remember my parents had been at the hospital visiting my Dad's Dad, PaPa. When they returned from the hospital they called us all into the family room and told us of PaPa's passing. As a 14 year old, my mind could not handle this information and without saying much of anything I went back to my room, turned my Discman on and listened to the Fugees CD over and over and cried and cried. To this day when I hear "Killing Me Softly" or any other song from that CD I think of my grandfather, his hat that sat slightly above the top of his head, the three little monkeys that sat on the end table in the living room and how PaPa always smelled of cologne and Listerine. Simply hearing the songs take me back to my sunflower covered bedroom and the pain that I felt laying there in my twin bed. But the Fugees helped me through it, in addition to my family of course. Music is amazing in that way because it can get you through the rough patches, but it can also help you to solicit thousands of memories with just one song.
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| PaPa and Grandma K |
The great thing about music is that it can help you escape to a new world and forget all your troubles and real life issues. At the same time, with just a few notes of a song, you are back to the time and place of when the song was first a hit. Slowly the waves of nostalgia will hit you and you smile to yourself as you remember why you love this song and how you used to listen to it over and over.
Like how every single Flo Rida song ever makes me think of my Mom and how she got so excited at my wedding when "Low" came on. And when I hear "Old Time Rock and Roll" by Bob Seger it reminds me of how Dad has now played the air guitar at both my wedding and my sister's wedding and how my sister and I both loved every minute of it.
Or any song I hear on Sirius station "Pop2K" reminds me of Maria Gambone Phillips and how she stole every new burned CD I made in college (Although, I secretly liked it because it meant I knew how to make a good CD).
From the 112, Run DMC and other random songs JP, MStan and JK made me listen to on the 15 hour trip to Florida for Spring Break to singing "Oh Yeah" by Big Timers with all of my soccer girls while running laps around the field or while hanging out in Stanley Park. The memories all come flooding back every time one of these songs comes on the radio. The connection I share between my emotions, memories and music is so strong, it was actually the reason I majored in Marketing at Longwood. Yet, with all this said, I still haven't mentioned the most important role music has played in my life thus far.
I was thinking of this connection I share with music recently during one of my 26 mile drives to work, and crying, despite not being pregnant (being pregnant ruined my ability to hold back tears!). The night before, I had been able to catch the Katy Perry debut of her new song Roar on MTV. (Yes, I am too old to watch it, but yes, I did stay up until 11pm!)
The minute I heard the song I felt the motivation and more importantly, I saw Olivia's future. I saw her in my mind as a little bit older, with longer blond hair with curls and a cute little bow. I saw her starting to stand, then walk and then run, running towards me as fast as she could. I saw it as if it were clear as day, I could see this happening as if it was not a dream, but reality. I saw my baby girl walk for the first time and her gate was no different than any other child her age. With the words of Katy Perry's song, I felt energized, motivated and I had a renewed faith that Olivia would overcome her obstacles and beat this fight against her body and win. Now every time I hear this song on the way to work I cry, make-up inevitably running down my face. I cry because I know Olivia will get there because she is strong, she is a fighter and she won't let anything hold her back.
So while Olivia isn't quite at the walking and running stage in her journey, she has again made some amazing milestones. Out of no where she decided it was time for her to sit up on her own, so she did. I feel as though I have to carry my camera with me everywhere now because I never know when Olivia will decide to spring a new "trick" on me. Her journey has been quickly progressing recently and she truly is one brave little girl. I know that one day my vision of her walking and running towards me will become a reality. But for now, I have my music to keep me company while I watch her become more mobile with each passing day. So if you see me driving down the road with tears and mascara running down my face, you will know these tears are tears of joy for this incredible little girl that I get to call my own.
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| I am tired from all this moving around! Good night! |
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